I Should Start Smoking


Because everyone is telling me not to do it.

My friends who smoke. My friends who don’t. The government. Private groups funded by the government. My smoker mom, if I told her. My non-smoker dad, once he gets the picture. My employer’s overpaid, ugly-ass health adviser who writes in the propaganda we get every month.

Everyone is telling me not to smoke.

But, I have this giant urge to start.

I’m also told I’m a good guy, and I am.

But, I should start being a giant asshole.


Because everyone is telling me not to do it.

My friends. My best friend. The government. Private groups. My mom. My dad. My boss.

Everyone is telling me not to be an asshole

But, I have this giant urge to start.

It’s probably healthier to be an asshole, but that depends where I’m going to be an asshole. I could be an asshole once and get my jaw cracked.

Smoking a pack or two on my trip may just shorten my life by a few minutes. Could be a good trade.

Though there’s no law against being an asshole in or within 25 feet of a building.


I buy awesome by the carton!

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4 Responses to I Should Start Smoking

  1. Keoni Galt says:

    Smoke cigars. There nowhere near as addictive as mass produced corporate cigarettes. And you have to smoke a ridiculous number of cigars for a number of years to experience any real negative health effects. If you’re not a cigarette smoker already, you’ll get the pleasant buzz from nicotine just fine from puffing on cigars…no need to inhale tobacco into your lungs.

    Save that for weed — if you really wanna rebel, than smoke the good stuff!

    • harmonicaftw says:

      I actually picked up some American Spirits. Thought your piece on tobacco and that brand was recommendation enough.

  2. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: Regrets Edition

  3. Kenosis says:

    Amen to cigars, I switched from frequent cigarette use to the occasional cigar, much better I my opinion, it’s a lot healthier, it reduces the oral fixation associated with cigarettes as well as raising your value to snake skin suitted Texan oil tycoon instead of just a beguiling bad boy.

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